The friend that shouldn't be

Dear you,

I am unsure why only now I am feeling this anger, this frustration, this... this negative feelings towards you. It happened awhile back but only now, I am feeling this feeling that I can only identify as being hurt. Maybe it's the hormones amplifying the feelings.

Still...

The questions keep popping up one after another. Over and over. If you were my friend, how could you treat me the way you did? Why did you do what you did? What have I done wrong to you to deserve this? The mixed signals. The confusion.

I feel like calling you or texting you to confront you with my questions. But what is the point? I never got my answers all those years ago and I am not holding my breathe that I will be getting any this time.

I am happy for you and where you are at in life but I do not appreciate you stepping into mine and undermining all the hard work I had put in, on my own, to be where I am now. Can't you be happy for me and leave things be? Couldn't you have just kept it all to yourself? And even if you wanted to approach me, keep it simple and sincere with no distractions, no illusions, no mess with my mind actions.

I want to know. I feel I need to know. I wish I know. Maybe that would be my closure but we all know that's not going to happen. You know why? Because you are selfish. You take what doesn't belong to you. You do what you do and somehow come out of it unscathed. Or maybe you do, I just don't know.

Is it a challenge? A joke? A whim? A fancy? What? Does it amuse you so?

If I only knew. If you only divulged what goes on in your super secretive world. What is due to me.

I am not sure if I should ever see you again or keep in touch. Only time will reveal the best course of action.

xoxo,

A frustrated, confused and gloomy me